The Funeral Director

Death of any kind I imagine is painful , but death by murder leaves emotions of all sorts. Murder is a heinous crime that snatches someone’s life away in such a degrading manner and sends pain to every person who loved that soul. The painstaking visions that ignite the brain of blaring gunshots penetrating flesh as bullets embed themselves in the one we loved and destroys the physical body only leaving the soul to exist . The day I scrolled down facebook exhausted from cooking dinner and an evening at ” The bounce house” with my four children waiting for daddy to get off of work , as we headed home after a quick stop at the grocery store. I watched as the kids licked barbque off their fingers and threw chunks of broccolli on the floor, so I sat down to breath for a split second. As I scrolled past the agnozing and annoying Facebook posts I came across a news feed from the local News channel ” Unidentified 33 year old man pronounced dead from gunshot wounds” ,Well you know the rest. I loaded up my children faster than ever and ran to find and check on daddy . Well it was him and Just that fast he was gone.My children watched as I screamed and rolled on the ice cold ground in the dead of winter. My body was numb. I couldn’t think and didn’t think. When death hits you , you don’t get a chance to think. I never thought to go see his body. I had never lost anyone so I didn’t even consider it. The dark days began and then I met him ” The funeral director” . He stood tall with his fancy suit and shiny shoes , I didn’t get the feeling he cared at all he was just doing his job. He spoke about the expenses, then attempted to share his compassion. I watched as he tried to be the mediator between feuding family. He stuck out to me and I’ll never forget him. I refused to see my loved one in a state like that but my six years old sons insisted so we choose to see him privately. The funeral director wanted more money so he held his body longer than he should’ve until the insurance came through, well the day my sons saw daddy’s body , it emitted a god awful smell that filled the funeral home. The smitten funeral director sprayed air freshener and insisted it was ok to see him.  My sons slowly approached and I stayed behind. I watched my sons faces as they walked up to see daddy ” why is his face white and why is he sweating my son asked ” ?  I could not look up I didn’t want to remember him like that. The funeral director escorted us out as we walked away in dismay. I met with the funeral director shortly after and asked how many times was he shot. He looked at me and stated” you know what I couldn’t even tell , when I was dressing him I didn’t see a thing, I don’t know”. He handed me a pen to sign paper work as he increased the price of the funereal $1000 bucks. He was murdered and this smug funeral director could hardly care as he counted the cash he was so patiently waiting on . Damian has now been gone four months and he was brutallay murdered as someone shot him 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 times. The sweetest man you would ever meet, not a person in the world could share a bad story about him. Why his death certificate stated one shot to the torso, still puzzles me. I’ll never forget the funeral director , these memories cloud my mind. His body was just a body. Our pain was just our pain. He closed the casket as the last person knowing what truly happened to him. When you live near crime ridden areas and crime is around many corners and makes you aware of every minute decision it matters.  When youth are troubled and misguided and when televison displays nothing but agitated , disgrutulted and disturbed citizens that blare violent words and respond with nothing but savage actions it matters. When your local police force deals with a vast amount of murders daily , lacks emotion and care because of the ongoing amount of crime and when he became just another number it matters. When law enforcement hasn’t found one lead and when an innocent, caring, loving, devoted father, hard worker, mentor, and team dad is slain in the street and left to die and finally when a man bleeds to death as his family wonders where he is it matters.After the shots ring and the doctors stop trying and when his fight is over and the news is delivered to the woman that loved him as she is on her knees and her warm tears drench her face covering her body, her cold withered hands hold up her face in disbelief as her head is hung low and she throws her head back to scream into the dark skies just to look up  to see her two 6 year old twin boys and her 1 year old twins starring back at her with their big ,beady, black , patruding glossy eyes lost in confusion as your oldest son says ” mommy why are you crying, where’s daddy?”that’s when those shots matter even more, they tell a story , a Story to help find the person who committed the murder. The funeral director took his hankerchief , as he apologized for my loss and excused himself at our last meeting . He then answered the phone , covered the phone with his hand and whispered ” this is another death” , as he continued to do his job. We still remember the funeral director.What we take from this is that funeral directors dont truly feel our pain, its impossible. We all experience pain as well as grief different so understanding is used loosely when dealing with the loss of a loved one. As funeral directors they are in the business of helping you grieve peacefully. We may find ways to direct our frustrations and emotions after death like my anger towards him but they’re only attempting to protect what they feel will cause more pain. We encounter more battles than just the death itself and its almost like your brain slows down and you become more conscious of everything around you. His death is the beginning of my indivdual journey of self discovery as well as my children. Its not the end. He was an amzaing man and he will live on through us. With every negative comes a positive. Believe that and it will manifest into your life.We will forever love Damian and forever we will remember the “Funeral Director”.

40 comments

  1. Oh my gosh, what a horrible tragedy for you and your family. I’m so sorry for all that you had to endure. For you and your children left behind to pick up the pieces and find a new normal, whatever that is. Thank you for openly sharing such a painful life altering event.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My heart sank while reading this. I cannot imagine the moment of horror when you learned it was your husband who was shot and killed. I don’t know what to say, I am lost for words now. I do know that you will be strong and carry on, in his name, for the sake of your children, and yourself. Blessings to you. ❤

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  3. I’m so sorry. Our funeral director was a blessing. I felt so detached and separate through the entire process, but I could tell that she did care, that she understood how important her service and compassion was. I wish you’d had someone like that.

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  4. My condolences to you and your family,it’s a tragedy that will forever change your life.The people at this vulnerable time extend the most compassion are needed,but some funeral directors just keep it very professional and like to seem very impartial.When i lost my father, the funeral director was a close friend of my neigbors who i had known all my life so he treated my family and i with the most compassion and was genuine he even did things for us beyond “business hours”and it was remembered and very appreciated.

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  5. My condolences. Know that there are truly kind and wonderful people out there too who care and hold you in their thoughts and in their actions. I’m sending you strength and love from afar.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m so sorry for your loss of Damian. It’s so heartbreaking and devastating and unfair – yet those words don’t even do justice to describing the level of the tragedy you’ve endured. I can feel every bit of love you have for him through your writing – he’s so lucky to have you as a spouse. I’m just so sorry and wish I had more words to provide comfort. Thinking of you and sending you thoughts and prayers and love and light. – Christine

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  7. I can only imagine the pain and sorrow you have experienced from this senseless tragedy. There are no words that can quell the feeling of pain that we feel when a person we love is taken from us. I have yet to hear any such words…..but, I feel that you have wonderful memories of a man you loved, and I know that you must see him in your children each and every day. Keep writing your feelings down and tell the world how much you loved him and how much he loved you. Never let those lost and heinous criminals keep his spirit from permeating your existence. Teach your kids about him, and allow them to grow into young men and women who he would be proud of. I know it will be hard for you to face each day (It has been devastating for me) but know that there are people who feel that you are worthy of happiness and your life is meaningful, and through you and Damian’s spirit, your children can grow and prosper. Take care.

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    • Beautiful. Thank you. Sorry for your loss as well. Damian was the sweetest person you would ever meet. He was soft spoken, witty and the most patient man on the planet. I want to embody all that Damian was in all of us. I want his wisdom to live on through us. He was just so amazing and such a good father. I stay strong for my children , I don’t let them see me suffer from his loss. I watch my children grow as my daughter resembles him so much it breaks my heart to look at her. We are coping. I am striving to achieve all I can.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I hope that you will be able to continue to instill in your children all the good that Damian possessed. Those qualities are so very special. Although I have not experienced loss in the same way, I have had my share, as of late. I would like to be able to say that it gets easier each day, but I really have not had that experience. However, like you mentioned, we have to cope with the loss, and learn to live with it. By teaching your children to live in a way that Damian would be proud, you are building a legacy of future happiness for you and your family that will keep Damian’s memory alive. In that way, Damian will still be there in spirit as you watch your kids grow into adults possessing the best parts of him. Keep your head up and keep writing.

        Take care,

        Robert

        Liked by 1 person

  8. I don’t think there are any words I can say that will be measured enough to make anything better – but I think time will fill that gap.

    I dearly hope you hold your like on course and steer your boat to calmer waters.

    Keep writing, keep feeling and keep sharing.

    Davey
    X

    Liked by 1 person

  9. My deepest condolences for your loss. I can only imagine what you’re going through. I was deeply saddened by you story. May God keep you and comfort you and give you supernatural peace and strength. He will heal you.

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  10. I taught in the school system for a long time. A lot of these kids think there’s some kind of sound track and their lives are a movie, and they’ll act out and do things their way now, and somehow, someway, they’ll get a ‘do over.’ You try to explain to them that every day they choose to mess up is one less day they’ll have to succeed, but too much of it falls on deaf ears, and they make their decisions, and sweep us up in their personal tragedies by inflicting their tragic choices on those of us who have, and want, nothing to do with anything they’re about. I’m so sorry for your loss, Shannon. It’s senseless and stupid and sad, and I grieve with you. Sorry that your funeral director was more of a ‘businessman’ than anything else during your time of grief. Karma has his address. God does too. Wishing you peace.

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    • Thank you. It is all to common now to see more violence in the youth. It saddens me and scares me for the sake of my children growing up. It boggles our minds as to who would harm Damian, he never even had an argument with a person. Just a sweet soul and spirit. We are left to assume that due to the amount of teen violence around here that he was a victim of that. I know in my heart we will find the person who took his life.My pain never stops so my fight for him will never stop.

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  11. I’m so glad you visited. There are many bits on my blog you may find of help; although I did not lose my husband in human-provoked violence. My heart goes out to you, even if I cannot truly understand all that you are going through.

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  12. I am so deeply sorry for your loss, and for the horrible experience you had (with this funeral director) at a time when you needed humanity and compassion the most. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your dear children. May God hold you all close in His loving bosom as you grieve.

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  13. I am not sure how you discovered my blog but I thank you for the opportunity to read yours. I have done what I call grief facilitating since seeing my first death as a nursing student but these last seven months I have learned to cling to the people who write for my wellness. I continue work through the same heartbeat of hurt I see in your writing.

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  14. Shannon, my heart was aching as I read your post. I wish you didn’t have to endure this pain. Thank you for sharing your experience because you are helping so many people whether they’ve experienced a similar loss or not. I feel so encouraged by you. Praying for peace of mind for you and strength when the load seems too heavy. ❤️

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  15. I’m so sorry for your loss. I can relate to that moment of shock, I also threw myself onto the cold winter earth as I screamed the one and only time I allowed myself to scream. I’m not sure why, but I tried to be in control the rest of the time. In hindsight, it makes no sense. My son was dead without warning. Yet I didn’t crawl into bed with him to hold him for one last time. Why didn’t I?

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  16. I am so very sorry for your loss. And so sorry that the funeral director didn’t offer more comfort to you and your children when you needed it the most. So sad. Thank you for sharing and many blessings to you and your family!

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  17. Hi Shannon. Thanks for following my blog, as it led me to yours. Your loss is devastating, and your writing about it very compelling–it brings me right next to you as a witness to your painful experiences. I wish I could personally give you a hug and help out a bit with those little children. I wish I knew how to offer some comfort.

    I read with outrage about the funeral director. There is no excuse for his behavior. He chose to work in a profession where he constantly interacts with people who have just suffered a loss. If he is not able to bring some empathy and kindness to his work, he should be selling refrigerators at Best Buy, not funeral services to families in pain. I’m so sorry you didn’t get the personal, compassionate care you and your children needed.

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  18. Oh my! I’m so sorry to hear about this awful event. Death is horrible enough without some inconsiderate funeral director pouring salt into the wound. I hope that you’re healing and grieving in your own way.

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  19. I am so sorry for you loss. I lost my husband over a year and a half ago following a long difficult battle with cancer. I understand many of the things you are going through. So many people have asked me what they could do to help and I realized that there is nothing anyone can do to take away the pain, sadness and anger of this kind of loss. We have to simply go through the grief process and it is not easy, nor should it be easy. Allow yourself the time you need to process the grief and grieve with your boys as they are hurting too and need to know that it is OK.

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  20. No words… What an insane turn of life. I feel your strength and determination to ring true to yourself, your children and the spirit of your beloved. I am grateful you are creating the space to write this blog, to move your feelings upward and outward, to reach out and express. The internet is an incredible web with so much support available. Keep writing, keeping sharing…you are received, amd supported. Grief has become a new member of your family, sitting there at the table with you, sometimes anxious, somestime irritated, sometimes subdued. I am so sorry for your loss, and the loss of your children. No words…

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  21. Hi Shannon, God I cannot imagine your grief. My dad, also a gentle soul was taken away from us coldly by other human beings. But I know one thing though: that God don’t like evil! Every single person involved in taking some1s Life will be punished severely. I Wish u peace, soo much peace rest all over u and ur kids. 💜

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  22. Thank you for reading my blog I have only just had opportunity to read yours I am sending love. My husband was suicide in January leaving two children. I live in the north UK we don’t experience gun crime much and murders are always front page shocking news. Every death is shocking. Much love and light to you and your family x

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  23. So sorry that you had that experience with The Funeral Director. My father worked a funeral home, just one of the many jobs he held throughout his life. He had the gift of compassion…that is so important for the grieving family. I send you my compassion and the spirit of my dad’s compassion because you deserve to have it. My father passed seven years ago and we had one of his former colleagues handle arrangements. He, too, had compassion. Your husband was a kind and loving man…God bless him and all of you. There are directors out there who have $ signs in their eyes. Thank you for sharing…I know it was difficult to go through experience again writing about it, but hopefully you have found healing in some way. Writing through my grief has helped me . Take care!

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  24. My dear, I am deeply sorry for the traumatic loss you and your family experienced. I wish for you peace that comes in any way you can find it, and the strength that you will need for the children. Keep writing, and keep posting. The written word has healing power.
    Peace be with you.

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