Even dinner time becomes hard. I always miss him but then i think about dinner time and how good it felt to sit around the table and have dinner with him and the kids. He was so easy to please so no matter what my meals tasted like or how horrible they were he was always satisfied.It was always very important to me to have dinner around the table everyday with my family.An insert from the family dinner project states that”Over the past 15 years researchers have confirmed what parents have known for a long time: sharing a family meal is good for the spirit, the brain and the health of all family members. Recent studies link regular family dinners with many behaviors that parents pray for: lower rates of substance abuse, teen pregnancy and depression, as well as higher grade-point averages and self-esteem. Studies also indicate that dinner conversation is a more potent vocabulary-booster than reading, and the stories told around the kitchen table help our children build resilience. The icing on the cake is that regular family meals also lower the rates of obesity and eating disorders in children and adolescents. What else can families do that takes only about an hour a day and packs such a punch”.That could all be potentially true but I do know how it effected my family, it was extremely meaningful without being forced, super natural and an everyday thing for us. Its something my kids expected and its something i looked forward to. Now it saddends me. Even cooking feels different and i cant bring myself to sit down, plus i barely eat anymore.When Damian was here the boys used to love telling him about their day. They would even hold out untill i left the table to tell him more. It was always special and always gave us a chance to connect.Dinner will never be the same. So i have been trying to think of ways to enjoy dinner again or to let daddy still live on through dinner.Its been a challenge but i know its something my sons will need now lacking his prescense. As I stare over at the empty chair and remember him sitting there , everything becomes a vision. I remember how he sat at the table and ate, I remember how he kneeled over to wash and dry clothes, him showering as his music blares through the house, I can hear the sound of his feet scuffling on the carpet as I nagged at him to pick up his feet, I watch him sit on his favorite spot on the sofa. I hear him call my name . When I look back up now it’s never real. I’ll never get to cook his favorite cheeseburgers and fries or lasagna again.As I sit back and think about the huge impact his loss has on us I realized dinners will never be the same. Then i step back when overwhelmed with thoughts like these and just remember his smile . I remember the laughs we shared. I remember the jokes we shared with each other when admiring the kids. I sit back and think how grateful I am to have met a man like him. He’ll never clear the table again or feed our babies .My sons won’t get to stay behind and ask daddy questions about girls and their problems( I know , already!?). So yes , it hurts and feelings are meant to be felt. So with that being said I’m angry, sad and mad, but I’ve embraced those emotions and also released them constructively through the expression of my words. Damian is still very present and his soul lives on. We will all sit down at the dinner table again soon. So to daddy “We love you and we will all sit around the dinner table again, admiring, sharing, laughing and loving”.