Part I: How to deal with grief after murder

A) Grieving is normal and ok. You are hit with overwhelming emotions of all sorts

  • Fear
  • Anger
  • Rage
  • Sadness
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Guilt
  • Confusion

Just to name a few. You are perfectly fine to feel all these emotions and even many more. When confronted with the onset of emotions you will undergo phyiscal changes as well loss of appetite, insomnia, headaches, irritability, light headedness and more. Suicidal thoughts are normal as well.


Remember you can do it. You will get through this.Remember to breath, your emotions are intense keep breathing.

It’s ok to cry. Accept how you feel and let it out.

Keep yourself surrounded by people who are helping you. Your thoughts are hard to work through stay surronded with those who will listen, let them out.You lost your loved one to the hands of another human being you are full of rage and anger. Stay away from others who encourage or promote your anger.

Drink plenty of water. You may have lost your appetite completely stay hydrated. Avoid running to alcohol or drugs.Its only making things harder.

Find a place you shared with your loved one to visit or a space of your own that brings peace and serenity. My spot was at the edge of the bay watching the water. I talk to Damian there and shed my tears.

Tell yourself over and over that its ok. Say it to yourself. Say it as you cry. “Its Ok”. ” Im strong”.

These are tips for the first couple of days. The initial onset is literally taken minute by minute.All you will be thinking is “why”.  You’ll make it to day by day soon. Dont give up, press forward and fight.



  1. I am sorry to hear about your loss. I have never had someone close to me murdered so I can’t fully understand all that you are feeling. God is the only one who understands completely what you are going through and he is the only one who can help you cope. I will pray that you and your children will receive the comfort that only he can give and that the police will find the murderer and bring him to justice.


  2. I hope this is a good place to leave you with some resources. One gentleman I have found very insightful with grief is John Pavlovitz. This post was quite useful to me.

    i also have a dear friend in Australia who has lost a great deal to violence, and yet she perseveres.

    Either one of these folks would probably be fine with you sharing if you link and credit.


  3. I don’t know of murder and am very sorry for your loss – I only know of cancer – this advice works – in fact I had an attack last week (4 months after) and had a good friend remind me to breathe- just take air in and let it out- you will be ok – it will keep happening but you will be ok.


  4. Although I have no experience in dealing with loss from murder, your words here are strong and true for betrayal, also. The rage, and anger…best for you to stay away from those that further incite. And remembering to breathe…so important because you really feel like you can’t. Drinking – WATER (not alcohol). Yes…these words are strong and true. Thank you, and I am deeply sorry for your loss…HUGS.


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