No apologies for Grief

I decide to get a quick drink with a friend and I started to talk about Damian and how I felt like we should feel liberated to face death happily.

I started chattering, literally running my mouth. It’s funny because when your talking about your grief no one really knows what to say. We really just need to be heard , so thats perfectly fine. It becomes evident in their facial expressions and disposition that they actually want to say something, the sheer context of the conversation forces them to find a way to console. We may even continue to talk knowing it may be something they would rather not talk about at the moment, besides who wants to awaken those emotions. A person could also feel as if they are truly in a tough spot lacking a way to show true empathy.

We may actually notice their body language and change the subject or even unconsciously keep talking and unintentionally ignore their signals.  It feels awkward and now you feel like you lost your opportunity to release and open up. Everyone may even seem to lack understanding or care for your situation and pain.

Well, I kept talking and I think its wise to keep talking. You’re grieving , feeling and sorting through emotions they have to be released first and foremost, regardless.An oppurtunity to release should be the first thing we give ourselves.

It’s funny how people respond when you attempt to convey your feelings about grief. They say ” Awwee” . ” I feel so sorry for you” ,” I understand” .” I know its hard” ,” Pray”. ” You’ll get through it”, the list goes on. Then the conversation becomes dismal and lugubrious.You look over at your friend and peer in their face and they have become sorrowful and sorry.  Great! You have just passed your gloomy energy over to them, which they most likely will pass to the next.Now we are all down and out. What are we doing?  What are we accomplishing? We have now created a downhill roller coaster for ourselves to fight through the onset of emotions that are accompanied with sadness.

Well, my conversation was my oppurtunity to release. I released, but more importantly as I noticed the change in disposition , I shared my grief exuding all POSITIVE, JOYFUL and CHEERFUL engery.

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Just because the world says cry, doesnt mean we have to. Just becasue some days we don’t cry doesn’t mean we don’t care. Just because we are still here fufulling our journey doesn’t mean we make our obstacles more difficult. Just because a part of our soul was removed doesn’t mean its gone. Just because there are bad days doesn’t mean good ones arent coming. Just because life smacked us in the face doesn’t mean we smack it back the same way.

Fight! Fight with courage and empowerment, to live and learn about yourself and what’s ahead. Fight to have happiness and grieve.

In a blog post im posting soon, I quoted something that resonates within me as should with every person who encounters loss.

” There is no more transformative experience in human life than trauma or tragic loss”.Daniel, T. (2010). Embracing Death. Hampshire, UK: OBook.

In my conversation, I had to “smile” first to evoke opposite emotions.  I cracked a quick joke. ( I love to laugh and joke, im a big kid!).Then I reminded myself that its completely ok to be happy right now. I was there breathing ,blinking, talking, walking, living. I have beautiful, healthy, happy kids. They still have a life to experience and much of it is through me.  My grief, pain and sadness effects all. I then reinforced the negative feelings I spoke about with positive outlooks and optimistic ways to reflect and move through it. I will always embrace my emotions, good or bad.

We had a great time, it ended all to soon.

Life is TRULY what we make it. Grieving makes us sad alot but feel it, release it and keep fighting.

Yes, you deserve a right to be happy. Yes, you will be happy. Yes, you loved him/her. Yes, you are angry! Yes, you are sad! Yes, you will certainly make it through and “No” you will never fully heal because your love will never die. 

Forget how we are SUPPOSE to grieve or what others percieve about our emotions. Grieve happily, you have that right. Smile and let your loss empower you and teach you more about yourself and how you can impact others to grieve happily as well!

We are all in this fight together. Im fighting for you and with you too.

Love Shannon

14 comments

  1. I love this post. I almost want to make a billboard out of it. Hahaha! It makes me feel joy and encouragement. Your post is so right on and well expressed.

    I AM very sorry for your loss – that you, your children, and your family and friends have had to and continue to suffer the pain of such an unnecessary tragedy… I’ve not experienced this type of loss, and I could truly not imagine until reading your posts what it is like. Your bravery and strength to share your experience, your grief, and your story is inspiring to me (and many, I’m sure) beyond words.

    Much love to you and your family, and many prayers. Thank you for sharing your journey. Thank you for helping me in my grief by sharing the experience of your own, and inspiring me to continue sharing mine. 🙏🏼

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  2. I used to fear death. I used to fear the death of my loved ones. I’ve always questioned why some people die as children and some live to be 100 years. I always questioned my faith over this. I now know that death isn’t the end. It’s part of life. Scientists have always said that everything on the planet including humans are made of energy. They have also said that energy cannot be destroyed. The energy and souls of the ones who leave the Earthly plane are in a different place. I now celebrate the lives of my deceased loved ones. I have lost people very close to me and now I find peace in their passing and know they aren’t really “gone.” I think you know this deep inside too. Its hard for us to continue our journey without them, but I believe that the death of a loved one and how we cope with it is part of our journey, as their untimely death was/is part of theirs. If you choose to grieve, or be happy, sad, angry or joyous, that is all part of YOUR journey and no one else’s. Your words are extremely inspiring to me. Thank you!

    Peace and much love to you,
    Idagi.

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  3. I agree 100% with you. We need to feel joy and happiness for those still here instead of bringing everyone down. It is helpful to talk about your loved one but joking and laughing is the best way to remember them.

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  4. Dear Shannon, I’m so very sorry for your loss. I know there aren’t sufficient words to say–I can imagine yours is a different kind of grief, being the result of murder. How difficult, unfair, just plain Awful that must be. Please know that you’re in my prayers–as a woman of faith, I know (by faith) that God has more for you, riches hidden in the darkness of grief. Take care of you. May God bless you from His abundance. Rene

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  5. Never do what you are supposed to do when it comes to emotions and or loss. There is no rulebook for that and if there was it would be all wrong. Just as each human baby is born individually, under individual circumstances at different times in different ways, we are just as different when we have loss in our lives.

    Of course, many will “judge” on what is right and what is the wrong reaction or behaviour when someone is lost or gone…but in the real world of sincerity, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. All that matters is what works for you, to bring you into the healthy, joyful, creative space that you were meant to be born into. <— just an opinion, that's all.

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  6. Miss your posts, pray you are coping in whatever ways feel best for you. It will be one step forward and two back, sometimes, and that’s okay. Healing after such a massive shock is a long process. God Bless.

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  7. I love it! Yes, we speak of our grief and it makes some squirm. Cry. Laugh. It’s life. It’s death. It’s real. I so appreciate your authenticity. I’m writing about my grief as well. You’re a beautiful mirror.

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