I decide to get a quick drink with a friend and I started to talk about Damian and how I felt like we should feel liberated to face death happily.
I started chattering, literally running my mouth. It’s funny because when your talking about your grief no one really knows what to say. We really just need to be heard , so thats perfectly fine. It becomes evident in their facial expressions and disposition that they actually want to say something, the sheer context of the conversation forces them to find a way to console. We may even continue to talk knowing it may be something they would rather not talk about at the moment, besides who wants to awaken those emotions. A person could also feel as if they are truly in a tough spot lacking a way to show true empathy.
We may actually notice their body language and change the subject or even unconsciously keep talking and unintentionally ignore their signals. It feels awkward and now you feel like you lost your opportunity to release and open up. Everyone may even seem to lack understanding or care for your situation and pain.
Well, I kept talking and I think its wise to keep talking. You’re grieving , feeling and sorting through emotions they have to be released first and foremost, regardless.An oppurtunity to release should be the first thing we give ourselves.
It’s funny how people respond when you attempt to convey your feelings about grief. They say ” Awwee” . ” I feel so sorry for you” ,” I understand” .” I know its hard” ,” Pray”. ” You’ll get through it”, the list goes on. Then the conversation becomes dismal and lugubrious.You look over at your friend and peer in their face and they have become sorrowful and sorry. Great! You have just passed your gloomy energy over to them, which they most likely will pass to the next.Now we are all down and out. What are we doing? What are we accomplishing? We have now created a downhill roller coaster for ourselves to fight through the onset of emotions that are accompanied with sadness.
Well, my conversation was my oppurtunity to release. I released, but more importantly as I noticed the change in disposition , I shared my grief exuding all POSITIVE, JOYFUL and CHEERFUL engery.
Just because the world says cry, doesnt mean we have to. Just becasue some days we don’t cry doesn’t mean we don’t care. Just because we are still here fufulling our journey doesn’t mean we make our obstacles more difficult. Just because a part of our soul was removed doesn’t mean its gone. Just because there are bad days doesn’t mean good ones arent coming. Just because life smacked us in the face doesn’t mean we smack it back the same way.
Fight! Fight with courage and empowerment, to live and learn about yourself and what’s ahead. Fight to have happiness and grieve.
In a blog post im posting soon, I quoted something that resonates within me as should with every person who encounters loss.
” There is no more transformative experience in human life than trauma or tragic loss”.Daniel, T. (2010). Embracing Death. Hampshire, UK: OBook.
In my conversation, I had to “smile” first to evoke opposite emotions. I cracked a quick joke. ( I love to laugh and joke, im a big kid!).Then I reminded myself that its completely ok to be happy right now. I was there breathing ,blinking, talking, walking, living. I have beautiful, healthy, happy kids. They still have a life to experience and much of it is through me. My grief, pain and sadness effects all. I then reinforced the negative feelings I spoke about with positive outlooks and optimistic ways to reflect and move through it. I will always embrace my emotions, good or bad.
We had a great time, it ended all to soon.
Life is TRULY what we make it. Grieving makes us sad alot but feel it, release it and keep fighting.
Yes, you deserve a right to be happy. Yes, you will be happy. Yes, you loved him/her. Yes, you are angry! Yes, you are sad! Yes, you will certainly make it through and “No” you will never fully heal because your love will never die.
Forget how we are SUPPOSE to grieve or what others percieve about our emotions. Grieve happily, you have that right. Smile and let your loss empower you and teach you more about yourself and how you can impact others to grieve happily as well!
We are all in this fight together. Im fighting for you and with you too.