I had been drinking all night, I was doing the potty dance in the passenger side of my friends vehicle. I yelled “Hurry, pull over somewhere I have to pee.” My period hadn’t come on in weeks and I knew this was a good time to use this pregnancy test I had stashed in my purse. She finally pulled over, I ran in the store as fast as possible attempting to find the bathroom. I pulled out my pregnancy test and took it right there in the bathroom. It didn’t take long to see the big positive plus sign gleaming back at me. Yep, I was pregnant.
I was 19 years old. Raised a good ol church girl, No sex out of wedlock. Working a full time job making 70,000 a year . I was with a long time boyfriend that was no good and already had children. I drove my own car and lived alone. I had left college early and was unsure of where I was headed. I just knew one thing for sure, I didn’t want a child. My family was going to disown me. I would be the typical single mother with no husband and my loser boyfriend was already an awful father. My only resolution was Abortion that was the only way out.
I drove an hour from my house to make sure know one would see me and know what I was doing. I was ashamed. How could I have made such a huge mistake. I walked in with a friend as protesters yelled loudly” Don’t do it” , ” We will help you” ,” We will give you $100 dollars not to do it” . All of that puzzled me because know one is gonna help you raise a child and how far was $ 100 going to get me over the life span of my child’s life , well at least 18 years. They showed awful pictures of ripped up babies.
What I was doing didn’t resonate with me. I just knew it had to be done. I walked into an old building. The elevator was so creepy as it smelled and squeaked it’s way up to the 2nd floor. I got off the elevator and approached a door with a buzzer. I stated why I was there and was buzzed in. I was let in down a long narrow hallway with no windows. There was one opening at the end of the hallway like a teller at a bank. We communicated through the glass as I gave her all of my information and appointment time. I was then buzzed into another room, I opened the door and it was FILLED with people. There wasn’t even a place for my friend and I to sit. Women and their partners, parents and friends. Some sad, some calm, some ashamed. I sat for hours going through all the stages. Checking your vitals, medical history,paying, talking to a counselor, changing. Then the final call is for the procedure. I had time to talk with many women some had been through this many times before. They all stated no need to pay the extra money to be put to sleep. I was ok just doing the ” Local” procedure. Which was no heavy numbing agents other than some sort of shot that subdues the pain just a little.
I sat in a cold room waiting for the doctor. It was a room from out of a horror movie. You can only get this procedure done in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy so I concluded this would be before the baby would even take shape or form. The doctor walked in explains the procedure then tells you to lay back. Everything is just pain after that. Every bit of it I could also feel. The last step of the procedure was when he took a vacuum like machine and sucked my insides out. It felt like parts of my body were being ripped out. Clenching the table, tears rolling down my eyes, attempting to breath , engulfed with pain it finally ended. I’m then escorted to another room where I wait for an hour as blood pours from my body and a nurse monitors my bleeding, Along with every other woman laying next to me separated by nothing. Some were in agonizing pain, some waking up from sedation, others doing perfectly fine. Like the girl next to me rushing the nurse so she could get to a concert in a few hours.
I was selfish, I didn’t think about my baby, I never thought about my baby. I only thought about how my life would change. I murdered my own child. I took a life. How am I any different. I just confessed to murder, Why don’t I go to jail? Why is my choice justified? Is it ok because the economy gains revenue? Is it ok because it’s the freedom we have as an american?
What about the woman who was raped and molested and got pregnant from her abuser , is abortion or murder still ok?
Is Abortion truly ok?
Murder is Murder isn’t it?
Damian was murdered. Cold Blooded Murder. His murder has the same freedom I have. I live with regret and remorse. Does this person walking around with regret and remorse or do they just keep living their lives like nothing happened?
This is a very hard story to share because it exposes my life. I feel like this is a real life experience and should be shared. It’s for the woman who considers abortion, Consider my story and think twice. It’s not worth it. Live with the choices you make. You will face your choices one day.