Life sucks

I guess life sucks sometimes. I would rather say all the time but i’m truly trying to be modest. I think about achieving all that I want and more then I realize Damian isn’t here to reap the benefits and deep down its not worth it.I miss him so much.

I held my sons face tonight as I sang to him, I was actually goofing off. He stood calm and quite and he didn’t say a word. I looked him right in his eyes and I became so sad. I realized how old he was getting and I thought about everything we had been through. I thought about Damian and how he is missing the growth of our children. I started to cry I held my tears back and the pain shot down the middle of my body. Damn!!!!!! Ughhhhh!!!!AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!***!!!!!!@@@@! I hate these feelings ! DAMIAN!!!!!DAMIAN!!!!!DAMIAN!!!!!Please come back. Why cry?, it doesn’t create resurrection.

Truly we can write books and paragraph after paragraph everyday but there is no set way to grieve.

I feel like I make mistakes often. Damian would watch me make mistake after mistake and guide me through. He was the supportive like no other. I look back at so much he did in the past that I didn’t credit him for or didn’t even recognize and realize how much of an amazing and powerful individual he was. He was smart, witty, humble, talented , peaceful, kind, patient, straightforward, honest, attractive , and loyal. I could go on for days. I complained day after day. DAMNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!! I told him he was perfect he never believed it because I complained so much.

You have people in your life right now and in the past that you may be distant with or argue with. A person you have differences with or just a family member that always gives you a hard time. Whatever you go through with that person if you truly love them or care just embrace the moments and the time you have to share with them. Life is so short. Ha!Ha! we say that all the time and know one even understands the phrase we speak. It’s very real. I truly  loved Damian. I loved Damian for every bit of the man he was. He was apart of my soul and my being. He became apart of who I am. I fight everyday to stay as strong as he was. It’s impossible i’m a completely different person than he was. He always knew how to keep me calm . My mind, body and spirit miss Damian. Please continue to fight and overcome every bit of heartache the world throws at you. My pain hurts immensely everyday. My backbone is gone and i’m trying to figure out a way to grow a new one.I just keep breathing. just keep breathing.

Love Shannon

4 thoughts on “Life sucks

  1. My heart aches for you. I cannot begin to imagine how hard you and your children have had it for the last seven months. I cannot fathom ever having to utter the words to my children “Daddy isn’t coming home”. (Of course you will meet again many years from now and I’m glad you and your children know that!!) You are an amazing soul. Keep moving, slowly but surely, one day at a time, as you say you’ve been doing. I’m sure you are priceless to your children and they need you now more than ever. Much love ❤️

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  2. My heart goes out to you as I am coming to terms– gradually, fighting every step of the way– with the increasing likelihood that my son and I soon will have to live without the man who has been our stability for decades, his Daddy and my husband (who has stage IV cancer). I imagine I will be visiting these pages again. It is helpful for me to read these things though I know they must have been terribly hard for you to write. Thank you. Hang on and keep the faith.

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  3. We all carry a burden, don’t we?! Some greater than others. But there is no greater burden than the loss of loved ones, especially before their time.
    This too you shall overcome, as many of us have.
    But this makes no bearing of grief easier, to know that many too have experienced such pain.

    May you have all you need to guide you thru as you grieve.

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